thoughts unrelated to the olympics...

So I decided at the onset of the Olympics that I would dedicate my Facebook solely to the greatest sports contest EVER, and refrain from posting anything unrelated. Thus far, I have done just that (save one post).

However, I still feel compelled to share some thoughts I have that exist outside of that very contest.

So, here they are.

The past is a tricky thing.

A lot of times, it is a demon that needs to be slayed or a memory that needs to be suppressed. And in a lot of cases, I fall into the category of people that would rather not think about what has gone on in the years that have lapsed in my life.

Yet, for as much as I have appreciated distance from my previous transgressions, I guess I have failed to hold on to the things from my past that were good; even great. Tonight, I was reminded of sone such example.

When it comes to football season or direct newsworthy mention of my alma mater, I am quick to respond. I am defensive of Texas A&M and always will be. However, sometimes I forget that my pride for my university exists outside of controversy, contest or reverence; it exists as sure as the sun does rise.

And, I don't care what anyone says, but it is impressive and noteworthy that I graduated from a school such as Texas A&M...and on time with decent grades. I DID that; I ACHIEVED that; I WILL ALWAYS be able to say that I am a graduate of that (more than) fine institution. Nothing will EVER take that away from me. EVER.

I have that even if I have nothing else.

And that is something to celebrate. And I feel like I have gotten too bogged down in the mistakes of my past to truly appreciate just exactly what being able to say that means.

Because it means a great deal. To a lot of people. One of those people being me.

So here I am, a constant critic and perfectionist, taking a break from my personal scourging as a result of my mistakes and enjoying the fact that I did something great that can never be undone. And that is awesome. No matter what I do or don't do; mistakes I make; failures that are sure to come my way, I did this amazing thing that will never fall into a category of disappointment.

That is awesome. Today, tomorrow and always.

Yet, as i think about the past, I also have to know how to bury my demons; I have a lot.

But they are what and who they are and I cannot take any of them back; not now, not ever.

I have seen great, I have known great and I have loved great. And with great success comes great failure; I've known them both.

I have failed in that I have sold myself short. I have accepted mediocrity at the expense of greatness and legitimized it to myself as "life".

I have failed in that I have accepted that people are who they are and will treat me in such a way that they are only capable of. I have taken their shortcomings and transferred them to my own flaws.

I have failed in that I have not known how to deal with weakness and disappointment and chose destructive ways to deal with both. I made myself OK with my actions because I was unhappy.

I have failed in forgetting why and what makes me great. I have chosen to see myself as less rather than a worthy person with much offer.

I have failed in a lot of ways. And I am accepting those failures now.

But no more.

I choose, NOW, not to be held captive by my past. It IS what it is. I cannot change it now. I've done right and good, and I have also done wrong and bad. However, NOW, I choose not to look at those things with fear in my eyes and pain in my heart. They are all a part of what makes me, ME. And I am happy with who that is. And I am no longer going to have shame for it.

Some things have gone my way; a lot of things haven't. But that's life.

I am officially letting myself off the hook for what has passed and, instead, choose to focus on what hasn't, and how I can make THAT the greatest thing about me.