new blog idea...

alright all of you faithful readers (which is six....i discovered earlier when i checked the abysmal statistics of my blog viewings)- i have a new blog idea.

now at this point, it is farcical at best, but i think that perhaps with someone else's technological acumen and creative finesse, it could actually become a successful blog; if it does, it was my idea first. remember that; i may sue for intellectual property theft...

in keeping with the nature of sites such as "texts from last night" (which i have come to believe is completely fake; no one goes to bed and wakes up with a midget in their freezer; sorry-- i call bullshit), i think there is value in collaborative blogs.

so to that end, i propose the, "shit i'd post as a Facebook status if i didn't have an anxiety problem about being funny" blog. the idea being that people that mentally thumb through multiple status update options, can eventually dump those discarded state on this blog in the hopes that while not chosen, still offer intrinsic value worth sharing (but not overloading their ever-precious Facebook page).

however, i must warn you that all of these ideas in this post are from one mind....so inevitably, they will loose wit, interest, and proverbial "steam" probably about 3 posts in. i will be more than appreciative if you last that long. but in a greater sense, imagine if they came from a collection of minds...tell me you aren't at least slightly intrigued....

(so after absolutely no "ado" whatsoever, i give you)

"shit i'd have posted as a Facebook status if i didn't have an anxiety problem about not being funny", blog 1

- netflix kind of sucks a bunch. they did not have batman begins- which caused me to spend WAY too much time trying to formulate a reason as to why it would not be available when the entire SERIES of lost is...and this movie was released during that period, but whatever... then after i gave up on batman- which is unavailable ENTIRELY as a brand on netflix- i attempted to watch the good old classic: "shawshank redemption"... AND AGAIN, i was left wanting. what the hell netflix? i need something else other than the hills and the original film version of buffy the vampire slayer. if it weren't for the fact that ted pays for the netflix subscription, i might seriously consider canceling.

(perfect example about a way-too-long post no one in fb would ever want to read, but that you are better off knowing about in the event you plan a movie night around netflix and batman. you're welcome.)

- i do NOT like capitalizing letters on my personal social media accounts. it's like the digital version of not wearing makeup. certainly i KNOW things should be capitalized, but i am taking e.e. cummings' whole concept for a spin to see how it works for me. and at this point, i've only encountered one critic who said, "i guess young people don't care about capitalizing these days"....yes, correct, good job.

- i suspect, on an almost regular basis, that at least 50% of my students are smarter than i am.

- someone's Facebook status the other day was about the last meal they would request if they were on death row (morbid if you don't consider it was after it was either passed in a certain state or proposed that inmates no longer receive last meal requests before execution), and i decided mine would include a cheeseburger and peanuts in the shell. i love peanuts in the shell. love love love them. that's the main reason i enjoy going to baseball games and restaurants that encourage yu to drop shells on the floor...

- i have a morbid fascination with the "real housewives of ______". specifically, new york, orange county, and occasionally, new jersey. and not for entertainment value, but more because i find it interesting that women (who do a huge disservice to our gender, by the way) are completely ok with being famous even if they come across as an overindulged, diluted, scathing idiot. seriously, these women sign a contract that they will engage in filming related to personal space and social events whereabouts they will be thrown into controversial situations with the sole purpose of participating in catty confrontations and cat fights. and they all do so WILLINGLY. i don't get that! that's like having the herp and allowing a tv crew to come into your gynecologist appointment....where the doctor is going to tell you the infection spread! my mom always raised me NOT to air dirty laundry, and these women walk around like they are of a superior status and social breeding. well i hate to tell you ladies, class doesn't come with a bank statement...

(see what i'm getting at here....?)

- top 40 radio is crap. and even though there are artists therein that do not suck (ie- adele), most of it is garbage, and i am saddened that a good portion of the population has not been exposed to better music.

- dwayne wade is a douche.

(and finally, for now...)

- i will not read fifty shades of gray. not now, not ever. and not because i do not appreciate a good romance novel with a fair amount of smut i may need to excuse myself to read. i will not read it because i detest that THAT is the very reason why it is a bestseller  (and also that is debunked harry potter from some specific record i cannot remember at present). i am all for people reading when they are normally not so inclined to do so, but for me, this book is popular for all of the wrong reasons. people have read about the love "affair" of the protagonist and this christian character, and on some level, find that crap an attainable aspect of real life. IT ISN'T. people didn't read harry potter, twilight or the hunger games because they thought they had found some key to their life. they read those books because they were interested in accessing their imagination. it is easy to take a sensational idea and make it readable; hello- that's why the national enquirer is still in print. but anyone who reads that book and gets some grandiose notion about life is mistaken. i would move to give them all copies of harry potter, twilight and the hunger games, so that they may be able to truly experience the magic of a dense and expansive imagination....in a way that encourages deeper introspection than bondage.

(i lied, last thing...)

- when i write something on Facebook, i am not attempting to start some sort of controversy with those that disagree with me. additionally, i am not trying to state i am an expert on anything i am expressing an opinion on and that, i will admit before anyone else, is imperfect and has holes. that said, if you disagree with what i am saying and it isn't a post that says, "your mom is a piece of trash, ___", please do not feel compelled to respond with a digital attack that makes more assumptions about what i believe and think than anything i actually wrote. just because i think there is a gun violence problem in this country does not mean i am suggesting the solution is taking away everyone's guns. don't use my very informal excuse for a Facebook account as your forum to make attacks and prove your point. i specifically censor what i write before i submit it because i do NOT want to start a political war between myself and my respectively liberal and conservative friends. i am just stating MY opinion. and, i think, i do it in an accessible and non-confrontational way. if you disagree, feel free to comment back as long as you don't start making assumptions that translate into fighting words. i don't have the time or patience for that.


so, that's what i meant. and perhaps using TFLN was a bad example, because that comparison suggests this would be much funnier than it is. but still, we all have things we want to get off of our chests digitally without inundating our friends' news feeds...i just think there needs to be a forum for the excess.

thank you, 6 readers, if you made it this far...