I don't know if it is because I am a girl, overly analytical, or a deeply emotional individual, but I am constantly introspective about my past. Whenever I move on to a new chapter in my life, I feel compelled to trace back through the years that have preceded it and marvel at how everything has catalyzed my presence in a new reality. Usually the self talk goes like this:
"If ________ hadn't happened, then I wouldn't have decided to _________, and then because of that, ________wouldn't have happened, which would not have put me in this job to have this conversation with this individual who suggested I try ________, which had I not considered, I wouldn't be doing ________."
And so on and so forth. Interchange the situations in the blanks, and by that rationale, it is easily explained how I have reached certain moments in my life. Most days, that thought process is healthy. I can wade through my successes and failures and see how they all worked interdependently to bring me exactly to where I am supposed to be.
And I consider that it is, "where I am supposed to be," because I have evolved positively within and without each situation I have found myself in. Be it my undergrad, my masters, or my post graduate school existence, whether I was pleased with my life or not, I know that where I am now is an improvement on where I came from. Essentially, I feel like the progression of my life has been natural and positive; I have no misgivings or second thoughts about that whatsoever. It is unmistakable to me that everything that has happened to me has had a greater purpose that has led me to the precise spot in which I find myself. I am as sure about that as I am my name and address.
And that's what I guess I don't really understand. I logically know that where I am is the best place I can be. And where, ultimately, I should be. And I am happy. I still do, however, have realistic (and very unrealistic) aspirations hanging over my head; that's human nature. If you aren't aspiring to something better, you're not living, right?
But when I table my desire to uproot my boyfriend, family, and everyone I would like to see on a regular basis and move to Paris, and take a panoramic view of my life, I am fulfilled. If you would have asked me five years ago if I'd be here, I'd have laughed at you. And as improbable as it might have seemed then, it makes perfect sense to me now.
However, I still have emotional ties to my past that I cannot seem to shake. And I don't get that.
If I were still involved with the individuals and situations from my past, I wouldn't be here in this place and in this lifestyle that I do feel at home in. I think back to the first relationship I was ever in. It was far from conventional and very much unlike any relationship I have ever been in since. And when it was ripped from me, I felt like I was torn in half. I spent years trying to feel whole again. That was not an ending I ever foresaw or wanted. And it hit me today as I was driving home, "what if that had never happened? what if it had never ended?" I know without a doubt I would not be here, close to my family, doing a job I love and sharing my life with the person I am. It is hard for me to even imagine what life I would have had that relationship never ended. And when I think about that possibility, I almost laugh, because I know it wasn't for me. Not just because it ended, but because I can logically presume what my life would be like if that relationship had not ended, and that potential life is not one I want. It wasn't then and it sure as hell isn't now.
Skip ahead five years; different relationship, different situation, same ending. And what is different about this particular situation is that, unlike the relationship that preceded it, I know in my heart and in my head, this ending was not only inevitable, but ultimately, the best thing for me. I didn't experience the heartbreak I did back when I was 19 because I always knew that this relationship was temporary. And even though in moments of insecurity disguised as hope (but more ignorance), I thought it could be more, I logically ALWAYS knew there was an expiration date on the entire situation. What bothered me the most about it after the fact, and if I am honest with myself still to this day, is that it happened in a way that I don't think was fair or did any justice to the way I felt at the time or how much of myself I invested in the relationship. I may have known it wouldn't last forever, but that never prevented me from holding back. I gave all of myself to that relationship every single day, and in the end, that is what hurt the most. Because when it ended, that was never acknowledged.
But just like before, I ponder what my life would be like if it had not ended, and I almost shudder. What I am and have now is so much more than what I ever thought I would have or deserve, and imagining staying in that situation then (even if it was my choice) is as preposterous to me as the world ending in December.
But even still, I look back now at all of these emotional scars and am perplexed by the fact that even though I know this is where I am supposed to be, I still care about the past. It's not every day, or even every month; but it is still there, lingering somewhere in my subconscious, that I gave so much of myself to certain people who threw it away like it was nothing, when it was anything but, to me.
How do you really put the past in the past? How do you really understand that heartbreak and disappointment mold who you are as much as success and happiness? Not just understand it, but find comfort in knowing that those mysteries are just...what they are, and find comfort in it? How do you move on from who you were with no closure, and find comfort in where you stand now without answers? Or any hope you will ever receive them?
If you understand it, than you are light years ahead of me.
Monday, March 5, 2012
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Shaking my head...
If it's possible-- in a post where I am hoping to lament the demise of the written word, I am almost at a loss of it entirely... yet, I digress.
We live in a world of instant gratification. Everything from news to entertainment has to be here, now and fast to be worthy; if it takes any amount of time over a couple of minutes, it is usually, pretty obsolete. As a result, communication standards have bowed to this trend. When we, as a society, decide to participate or respond to anything that comes our way, we feel inclined to do it in the quickest way possible. As a result, 'lol', 'g2g', 'nvm' and the likeness have replaced the long form sentiments they represent. I get it. That's the world we live in.
Moreover, should you be an avid participator in the Twittersphere, you are even more constricted to expression limitations. Every space, punctuation mark, or letter takes up precious space in a 140-character text box. So, as a result, abbreviations of common words and phrases are commonly relied upon to fulfill complete thoughts. Still, I get it.
Because, ultimately, these shortened words and phrases seek to succinctly express thoughts and feelings that may be too lengthy in a long-form relation. However, mediums such as Facebook (with no character limitation) or text messaging (which are limitless, even if they are limited per each individual message), abbreviated thoughts or feeling are not necessary.
So, in a lengthy and roundabout way, I am getting at the fact that I do NOT understand why certain individuals feel inclined to preface messages without constricted character limits with "smh".
First of all, if you craft a message correctly, incredulity is obvious. Secondly, "smh" is easily expressed by stating, "what I don't get" or "I am baffled by" or even, "what the fuck is that about", without description of physical movement being necessary whatsoever...especially by abbreviation. Secondly, if we are conversing in a medium without restriction, why do you feel inclined to abbreviate certain notions when the majority of you other sentiments are spelled out in their entirety?
I am forthright in the belief that, even if technologies exist that make it faster or easier, I am going to use the written word in the way in which it was intended. Especially in instances where there is no explicable reason to cut your thoughts short. Because ultimately, when you choose subjectivity, you choose to leave yourself up to interpretation. And for me, that is a dangerous concept. If I have learned anything as a writer, its that when you seek to derive certain thoughts, emotions or feeling, you spell it out specifically; otherwise, the effort is wasted.
So do me a favor-- take a moment to write out, to the letter, how you feel. Don't leave your thoughts and feelings up to individual comprehension; say it loud and say it proud. If you think your girlfriend is idiotic for expecting her abusive boyfriend to eradicate his behavior because she got pregnant unexpectedly, say to her, "i am literally dumbfounded by your logic," rather than dumbing it down to, "smh." Because, at the end of the day, we are all better served by the whole truth, and not its abbreviations.
We live in a world of instant gratification. Everything from news to entertainment has to be here, now and fast to be worthy; if it takes any amount of time over a couple of minutes, it is usually, pretty obsolete. As a result, communication standards have bowed to this trend. When we, as a society, decide to participate or respond to anything that comes our way, we feel inclined to do it in the quickest way possible. As a result, 'lol', 'g2g', 'nvm' and the likeness have replaced the long form sentiments they represent. I get it. That's the world we live in.
Moreover, should you be an avid participator in the Twittersphere, you are even more constricted to expression limitations. Every space, punctuation mark, or letter takes up precious space in a 140-character text box. So, as a result, abbreviations of common words and phrases are commonly relied upon to fulfill complete thoughts. Still, I get it.
Because, ultimately, these shortened words and phrases seek to succinctly express thoughts and feelings that may be too lengthy in a long-form relation. However, mediums such as Facebook (with no character limitation) or text messaging (which are limitless, even if they are limited per each individual message), abbreviated thoughts or feeling are not necessary.
So, in a lengthy and roundabout way, I am getting at the fact that I do NOT understand why certain individuals feel inclined to preface messages without constricted character limits with "smh".
First of all, if you craft a message correctly, incredulity is obvious. Secondly, "smh" is easily expressed by stating, "what I don't get" or "I am baffled by" or even, "what the fuck is that about", without description of physical movement being necessary whatsoever...especially by abbreviation. Secondly, if we are conversing in a medium without restriction, why do you feel inclined to abbreviate certain notions when the majority of you other sentiments are spelled out in their entirety?
I am forthright in the belief that, even if technologies exist that make it faster or easier, I am going to use the written word in the way in which it was intended. Especially in instances where there is no explicable reason to cut your thoughts short. Because ultimately, when you choose subjectivity, you choose to leave yourself up to interpretation. And for me, that is a dangerous concept. If I have learned anything as a writer, its that when you seek to derive certain thoughts, emotions or feeling, you spell it out specifically; otherwise, the effort is wasted.
So do me a favor-- take a moment to write out, to the letter, how you feel. Don't leave your thoughts and feelings up to individual comprehension; say it loud and say it proud. If you think your girlfriend is idiotic for expecting her abusive boyfriend to eradicate his behavior because she got pregnant unexpectedly, say to her, "i am literally dumbfounded by your logic," rather than dumbing it down to, "smh." Because, at the end of the day, we are all better served by the whole truth, and not its abbreviations.
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Self Respect...or the lack thereof
I am an imperfect person. That is not an opinion, it is a fact. There are a lot of things I like about myself. I am intelligent, moderately funny, kind, empathetic, and (probably dangerously) forgiving and understanding. However, there are things I don't like about myself. I avoid confrontation at toxic personal sacrifice, I talk to loud and too fast and sometimes (most times) need to do a better job of knowing when to shut-up. I am also not as physically fit or as thin as I'd like to be and am in a constant war with my hair. All of these things considered, when I look in the mirror, I recognize that though I am flawed, there is still a lot about me to love.
Yet, I have bad days, months, hell even years, just like everyone else. I spent the better part of two years in such a horrible state of self-loathing and fear, it took a shrink and a daily dosage of Zoloft to bring me back to life. But even at my lowest and weakest moment, I still knew I was a worthy person deserving of good things in life. At my worse, I am still one of God's children and for that reason alone, am worthy and deserving of love.
And that doesn't just mean love from family, friends, etc.; it also includes love of and from myself. It's funny. I see some of my female students on a daily basis get right up in someone's face if they feel they are being disrespected, yet will dress provocatively and let themselves be objectified by men on a level that makes it completely obvious to everyone but them that they have very little self respect.
Don't get me wrong, this is not an attempt to attack individuals that have low self esteem. We all have it or have struggled with it at some point in time in our lives. And as someone that struggles with a mental illness, because that is what anxiety is, I do not want to suggest that individuals that struggle with this issue on a debilitating level are weak.
And I guess that's what I don't understand. I knew I was having problems and what those problems and my attempt to deal with them on my own were yielding me. And it wasn't good. So I got some help. And I have no problem being transparent about that because I am not ashamed. Getting the help I did was one of the best decisions I have ever made and I thank God for bringing me that relief.
What I don't get is how individuals in situations where they are being put in danger and have a quality of life that in shaky, uncertain, and more a cause of pain (physical, emotional or otherwise) than anything else, will not take the hard steps to do what they need to do to change their circumstances. All I can figure is that they think they are not worthy of something better. That they either aren't worthy of it or aren't capable of ever finding it again. So they settle. They settle for pain, abuse, and a quality of life that is beneath them. And all because of a intrinsic lack of self respect and love for who they are.
Not only do I not get it, but it makes me so incredibly sad. Because at the end of the day, I can take a pill to help me manage my anxiety, but there isn't a pill out there that can help someone manage to love, even when it is just to love them self.
Yet, I have bad days, months, hell even years, just like everyone else. I spent the better part of two years in such a horrible state of self-loathing and fear, it took a shrink and a daily dosage of Zoloft to bring me back to life. But even at my lowest and weakest moment, I still knew I was a worthy person deserving of good things in life. At my worse, I am still one of God's children and for that reason alone, am worthy and deserving of love.
And that doesn't just mean love from family, friends, etc.; it also includes love of and from myself. It's funny. I see some of my female students on a daily basis get right up in someone's face if they feel they are being disrespected, yet will dress provocatively and let themselves be objectified by men on a level that makes it completely obvious to everyone but them that they have very little self respect.
Don't get me wrong, this is not an attempt to attack individuals that have low self esteem. We all have it or have struggled with it at some point in time in our lives. And as someone that struggles with a mental illness, because that is what anxiety is, I do not want to suggest that individuals that struggle with this issue on a debilitating level are weak.
And I guess that's what I don't understand. I knew I was having problems and what those problems and my attempt to deal with them on my own were yielding me. And it wasn't good. So I got some help. And I have no problem being transparent about that because I am not ashamed. Getting the help I did was one of the best decisions I have ever made and I thank God for bringing me that relief.
What I don't get is how individuals in situations where they are being put in danger and have a quality of life that in shaky, uncertain, and more a cause of pain (physical, emotional or otherwise) than anything else, will not take the hard steps to do what they need to do to change their circumstances. All I can figure is that they think they are not worthy of something better. That they either aren't worthy of it or aren't capable of ever finding it again. So they settle. They settle for pain, abuse, and a quality of life that is beneath them. And all because of a intrinsic lack of self respect and love for who they are.
Not only do I not get it, but it makes me so incredibly sad. Because at the end of the day, I can take a pill to help me manage my anxiety, but there isn't a pill out there that can help someone manage to love, even when it is just to love them self.
Friday, February 3, 2012
Pink Football Jersies
There are three things that inspired me to start this blog, and this occurrence is one of those things. I didn't originally intend to strategically include these posts at a specific time, but given that the Super Bowl is Sunday, this seemed an appropriate time as ever to write this entry.
I listen to Kidd Kraddick in the morning. Say what you will about Kidd and the morning show, but I think they're hilarious. Sure, they sometimes digress on topics and bits that are not exactly the most entertaining things I have ever heard, but for the most part, they are more than a decent way to pass the time on my hour-long morning commute. Their philanthropic endeavors alone are enough to warrant attention, but beyond that, their unyielding attention to popular culture and eagerness to make fun of themselves makes them incredibly accessible...at least for me. I will admit, I have been a loyal listener since I was 16.
So, to that end, this morning they were taking bets on the Super Bowl. From what color gatorade would undoubtedly be thrown on the winning coach to the the order in which the winning quarterback (or MVP) would thank the people of interest in his life (arguably, God, Family, teammates, coaches, etc.), they were taking bets on it all. At one point, one of the potential bets was related to how many times networks would pan the luxury boxes for Giselle (Tom Brady's wife), which prompted Jenna (one of the morning show personalities) to inquire, "I wonder if she will be wearing her pink Patriots jersey?"
And that is just a prevalent trend I do NOT understand.
I like sports. I am not a fanatic by any means, and I do not profess to know everything about the sports I watch. I (would like to believe) know more than the average female does about sports, but I want to make sure I acknowledge now that I have not seen nor do I know it all (or even part) about sports as a whole.
HOWEVER, I have been an avid follower of college and professional football since I was 14 years old, and it was not until I was an attendee at the infamous Cowboys/Eagles game at Texas Stadium in '07, that I had any idea one could even purchase a team jersey in baby pink. I was about 6 boxes down from Jessica Simpson (who, at the time, was dating Tony Romo), and was very confused when they showed her through the suite glass in a pink Cowboys jersey.
The Cowboys' colors are blue and white. It could be argued that the specific shade of blue is either navy or royal, but either way, the colors are very definitively blue and white. So surely you can understand my frustration that someone- and it really did not matter who it was- was there supporting the home team in a color very far removed from that of the team as a whole.
So, obviously, this individual, and many others within the stadium that day and in stadiums across the country since, felt they were incapable of showing their team colors at the sacrifice of "femininity" (or whatever that means), and instead, chose to show their support in pink.
THAT IS SO FUCKING STUPID.
Take sports out of it completely. Hundreds of years ago, when various civilizations were fighting wars and risking their lives for liberty or national causes, the entire front was united under a specific color or insignia. England had the Redcoats; the North during the Civil War rocked it in navy and the South in grey; the indians united under war paint and raw hide. Essentially, different sides wore specific uniforms to make themselves distinguishable against their opponent. THIS DID NOT START WITH SPORTS.
So imagine my shock and dismay that someone who cares enough to pay money and show up to witness a battle (of sports or otherwise), is going to show up in a color unassociated with their team or cause FOR NO OTHER VIABLE REASON IN THAT IS IS SUPPOSED TO BE A FEMININE DISPLAY OF SUPPORT.
I'm sorry- is it necessary to distinguish your gender in that instance? Do you think that American nurses and triage attendees during the Revolutionary War wore red because it was a more flattering color? NO. Colors are designated for teams for a reason!
So basically, in a nutshell (though I do apologize for my offshoot rants and musings), it is beyond stupid that professional sports teams feel the need to appeal to a female demographic and manufacture pink fan gear. Moreover, it is inexplicably inane for women that support these teams (or support men that support these teams) to require an option of dress that specifically does not include team colors in some sort of misguided attempt to assert femininity. Athletes on the field are encouraged and reinforced by looking into the stands and seeing blocks of their team colors cheering them to victory; more often than not, their ability to hear is significantly prohibited by their helmet or the exterior noise, and they look for encouragement in a visual way. But you felt like you would look too masculine or not sexy enough by sporting team colors, so you opted for PINK.
I guess it's no wonder Tony and the boys lost that game...
Monday, January 30, 2012
The Bachelor makes me want to kill myself...
I generally do not make it a habit to watch crappy reality TV. Let me be clear-- there are a few reality television shows I watch that I do not consider to be crap. Top Chef, Intervention and Diner, Drive-Ins and Dives. I am not sure if you would consider those all reality television shows, but in the sense that they do not have a script and feature real things happening to real people, I think they qualify.
However, there is a segment of reality television that is an absolute load of crap. And the ring leader of that circus from hell is The freaking Bachelor. I remember when the first season came on TV 10 years ago and I was caught up, I will admit it. I was also 16 years old, had never been on a date let alone been in a relationship, and had every single one of those starry-eyed fantasies in my head about soul mates and fairy tales. I have since grown up, and while I don't have some bitter and jaded viewpoint on how love is a crapshoot and not worth my time, I am still in touch with reality, and The Bachelor is FAR from falling into that category. It is the definition of a shit show. It is no better than the Real World/Road Rules Inferno Gauntlet Tsunami Challenge's of yesteryear.
Surely you are asking yourself by now, why in the hell I decided to watch The Bachelor. Well, one of the contestants was in a student organization I was in in college, and I finally succumbed to morbid curiosity. She is, by FAR the classiest and most well-grounded contestant on that show. And I am not saying that because I know her. Hell, if I walked up and slapped her on the ass, she would most likely have no idea who I was (so long as I did not assault her in a Maggies' t-shirt). But she was then and still is a very beautiful and classy woman... even despite the Bachelor's efforts to futilely prove otherwise.
But I guess, essentially, here is the crux of what I do NOT understand about people who watch and individuals who tryout to be a contestant on one of those faux-dating shows: how can you possibly take it seriously? Certainly I am smart enough to know that some people do it for an unlikley opportunity at fame, but it is clear that some of those individuals truly do believe love is waiting for them amidst 24 other physically fit, perfectly tanned and over groomed vultures who are ready to their head up...but they saddle up anyway. I don't get it.
Save Trista and Ryan from the first season of The Bachelorette, every single one of the other Bachelors/Bachelorettes on record HAVE NOT FOUND A RELATIONSHIP THAT HAS LASTED. And gee, I cannot imagine why in the hell not. Sure, it is normal to take 25 women to an exotic location, pump them full of alcohol, ignite and fuel as many conflicts as possible, and literally after a chick fight (verbal, physical or otherwise) worthy of a Jerry Springer episode, the bumbling and monolithic Bachelor ultimately picks the woman he wants to, at least for the foreseeable future when they are both getting paid by the network and soaking up their 15-minutes of fame, spend the rest of his life with.
IT IS SUCH CRAP.
That is not real life and not JUST because they are "dating" in Puerto Rico. It is not real life because compatibility and ultimate longevity takes experiencing REAL life and REAL life problems...a long side the googly-eyes and the butterflies. It is easy to let things roll off your back and be on your best behavior when you know you every move is being watched by millions. But when the cameras are packed up and moved to the next shit show Bachelor destination, you are left to really deal with one another when the champagne ISN'T a-flowing and someone ISN'T paying for your afternoon yacht cruise. And you cannot tell me that people don't continue to watch that show and believe the fairy tale; if people didn't, it wouldn't still be on the air, though the tactics ABC uses to make it as predictable as ever are more blatant than the season that preceded it.
And the thing that ultimately disgusts me the most is that there really do seem to be women, like my collegiate comrade, who are genuinely kind and internally beautiful individuals, but that show does NOT paint them in the best light. Heaven forbid you be the person ABC sees as the perfect villainess, because from that point on, they are going to make sure to put you in situations to come across that way even if it is NOT your personality. And they also choose to throw in the mix the crazy and arguably trashy girls just to stir up conflict. And these women fall into the stereotype traps every. single. time. And each year, the traps get larger and larger. And women come across trashier and trashier.
At the end of the day, though, I know why this show still exists; I teach mass media trends every single day. So on a logical level, I understand why ABC keeps coming to the table... I just wish I understood why everyone else does. For my money, I'd rather watch women try to find love at a monster truck rally.
Oh wait, I forgot about Rock of Love.
However, there is a segment of reality television that is an absolute load of crap. And the ring leader of that circus from hell is The freaking Bachelor. I remember when the first season came on TV 10 years ago and I was caught up, I will admit it. I was also 16 years old, had never been on a date let alone been in a relationship, and had every single one of those starry-eyed fantasies in my head about soul mates and fairy tales. I have since grown up, and while I don't have some bitter and jaded viewpoint on how love is a crapshoot and not worth my time, I am still in touch with reality, and The Bachelor is FAR from falling into that category. It is the definition of a shit show. It is no better than the Real World/Road Rules Inferno Gauntlet Tsunami Challenge's of yesteryear.
Surely you are asking yourself by now, why in the hell I decided to watch The Bachelor. Well, one of the contestants was in a student organization I was in in college, and I finally succumbed to morbid curiosity. She is, by FAR the classiest and most well-grounded contestant on that show. And I am not saying that because I know her. Hell, if I walked up and slapped her on the ass, she would most likely have no idea who I was (so long as I did not assault her in a Maggies' t-shirt). But she was then and still is a very beautiful and classy woman... even despite the Bachelor's efforts to futilely prove otherwise.
But I guess, essentially, here is the crux of what I do NOT understand about people who watch and individuals who tryout to be a contestant on one of those faux-dating shows: how can you possibly take it seriously? Certainly I am smart enough to know that some people do it for an unlikley opportunity at fame, but it is clear that some of those individuals truly do believe love is waiting for them amidst 24 other physically fit, perfectly tanned and over groomed vultures who are ready to their head up...but they saddle up anyway. I don't get it.
Save Trista and Ryan from the first season of The Bachelorette, every single one of the other Bachelors/Bachelorettes on record HAVE NOT FOUND A RELATIONSHIP THAT HAS LASTED. And gee, I cannot imagine why in the hell not. Sure, it is normal to take 25 women to an exotic location, pump them full of alcohol, ignite and fuel as many conflicts as possible, and literally after a chick fight (verbal, physical or otherwise) worthy of a Jerry Springer episode, the bumbling and monolithic Bachelor ultimately picks the woman he wants to, at least for the foreseeable future when they are both getting paid by the network and soaking up their 15-minutes of fame, spend the rest of his life with.
IT IS SUCH CRAP.
That is not real life and not JUST because they are "dating" in Puerto Rico. It is not real life because compatibility and ultimate longevity takes experiencing REAL life and REAL life problems...a long side the googly-eyes and the butterflies. It is easy to let things roll off your back and be on your best behavior when you know you every move is being watched by millions. But when the cameras are packed up and moved to the next shit show Bachelor destination, you are left to really deal with one another when the champagne ISN'T a-flowing and someone ISN'T paying for your afternoon yacht cruise. And you cannot tell me that people don't continue to watch that show and believe the fairy tale; if people didn't, it wouldn't still be on the air, though the tactics ABC uses to make it as predictable as ever are more blatant than the season that preceded it.
And the thing that ultimately disgusts me the most is that there really do seem to be women, like my collegiate comrade, who are genuinely kind and internally beautiful individuals, but that show does NOT paint them in the best light. Heaven forbid you be the person ABC sees as the perfect villainess, because from that point on, they are going to make sure to put you in situations to come across that way even if it is NOT your personality. And they also choose to throw in the mix the crazy and arguably trashy girls just to stir up conflict. And these women fall into the stereotype traps every. single. time. And each year, the traps get larger and larger. And women come across trashier and trashier.
At the end of the day, though, I know why this show still exists; I teach mass media trends every single day. So on a logical level, I understand why ABC keeps coming to the table... I just wish I understood why everyone else does. For my money, I'd rather watch women try to find love at a monster truck rally.
Oh wait, I forgot about Rock of Love.
Friday, January 20, 2012
Facebook Purging
So, I am back to my usual sarcastic inquires. As much as I can always find something melancholy to lament on, I am reverting to the original purpose of this blog: making fun of incredibly inane prevailing trends.
To that end, I would like to discuss "facebook purges".
I am the absolute first person willing to acknowledge the unlikely power of facebook. And now that I have seen "The Social Network", I am more inclined to believe that even Mark Zuckerberg himself is taken aback by the influence his website- developed out of spite more than anything- has had on culture and the digital landscape as a whole.
However, at the end of the day, it is still a website where you amass "friends" that are, more often than not, nothing more than acquaintances, that you intentionally represent that best version of yourself and your life to. You know what I am talking about. Unfortunate pictures are hastily untagged and check-ins and status updates attempt to point out all of the amazing and gratuitous moments of your existence.
"Just met Dirk Nowitski at Chipotle" you taunt to your "friends" so they can envy your fabulousness and apparent access to the rich and famous. If we are all honest with ourselves- which I attempt to be as much as possible- it is a digital pissing match of who has the better life/boyfriend/body etc. than others within your network.
And in a brief aside- I want to make sure to point out that I do recognize that legitimate businesses, interest groups, and non-profit organizations utilize facebook to further their movements and messages, and for good reason. When you have immediate access to over 250 million people, you would be a fool NOT to participate. Yet, I digress.
In the last month or so, I have noticed a growing trend in facebook users who feel the need to not only advertise, but actually set-about a grandiose "facebook purge" of their friend list. They publish a status that warns their "friends" that they are going through their contacts and deleting individuals with whom they do not ultimately find a profoundly significant connection with. They warn, either by directly stating or by clever suggestion, that they simply find themselves in need of some digital housecleaning and set about removing users from access to their personal page. Some perpetrators even state, "you'll see where you stand!' while they are in the process.
Well, I don't get it. Beyond that, I think it is an incredibly narcissistic load of crap. UNLESS YOU ARE KATE MIDDLETON, and your association to anyone unsavory could really be an issue of national security or otherwise, whatever random drunk dude you met at a party in college that friended you that night that you have never spoken with since, is not someone you need to go out of your way to disassociate with. I have too many people on my friend list that fall in that category. Moreover, friends from high school and college that got married and changed their facebook to reflect their new last time, frequently throw me for a loop because I am used to the previous moniker. Regardless, it is not a big deal. These people are not all invited to my house for a dinner party, and are not by sheer value of being designated my "friend" on facebook, taking up any physical space in my life. They are digital associations. Nothing more, nothing less.
So, I am constantly dismayed by people who feel the need to edit their digital contacts like they are cleaning out their sock drawer. You are not being charged per friend to be a member of facebook, nor is your life REALLY interrupted by someone who you don't really know posting a status about their recently completed marathon. You are NOT cool because you have 1500 friends and decide that you want to scale back to only those that you "know". And if you are the person that has 1500 friends that you do know and just want to scale back to the people you deem worthy, then you're an asshole. The entire POINT of facebook is to forge "connections" with people on, about, or around your life that have similar associations with you. Because at some point in time in the future, you may find yourself looking for a job or a pet groomer or a freaking couch because yours got pissed on by your puppy, and that random dude you met at a party one night might have a connection to a job/pet spa/furniture store that you really need. But joke is on you; you decided to go through and delete a thousand people on facebook, and as a result, now have no income, an unfortunately hairy dog and a pissy smelling couch and very little ideas as to how to improve your situation.
So, way to go, to-cool-for-school facebook user who cannot be bothered with too many "friends"; i'll take my free leads- and random, hard-to-remember-friends, every time I get them. And you can just be cool with everyone you really "know".
To that end, I would like to discuss "facebook purges".
I am the absolute first person willing to acknowledge the unlikely power of facebook. And now that I have seen "The Social Network", I am more inclined to believe that even Mark Zuckerberg himself is taken aback by the influence his website- developed out of spite more than anything- has had on culture and the digital landscape as a whole.
However, at the end of the day, it is still a website where you amass "friends" that are, more often than not, nothing more than acquaintances, that you intentionally represent that best version of yourself and your life to. You know what I am talking about. Unfortunate pictures are hastily untagged and check-ins and status updates attempt to point out all of the amazing and gratuitous moments of your existence.
"Just met Dirk Nowitski at Chipotle" you taunt to your "friends" so they can envy your fabulousness and apparent access to the rich and famous. If we are all honest with ourselves- which I attempt to be as much as possible- it is a digital pissing match of who has the better life/boyfriend/body etc. than others within your network.
And in a brief aside- I want to make sure to point out that I do recognize that legitimate businesses, interest groups, and non-profit organizations utilize facebook to further their movements and messages, and for good reason. When you have immediate access to over 250 million people, you would be a fool NOT to participate. Yet, I digress.
In the last month or so, I have noticed a growing trend in facebook users who feel the need to not only advertise, but actually set-about a grandiose "facebook purge" of their friend list. They publish a status that warns their "friends" that they are going through their contacts and deleting individuals with whom they do not ultimately find a profoundly significant connection with. They warn, either by directly stating or by clever suggestion, that they simply find themselves in need of some digital housecleaning and set about removing users from access to their personal page. Some perpetrators even state, "you'll see where you stand!' while they are in the process.
Well, I don't get it. Beyond that, I think it is an incredibly narcissistic load of crap. UNLESS YOU ARE KATE MIDDLETON, and your association to anyone unsavory could really be an issue of national security or otherwise, whatever random drunk dude you met at a party in college that friended you that night that you have never spoken with since, is not someone you need to go out of your way to disassociate with. I have too many people on my friend list that fall in that category. Moreover, friends from high school and college that got married and changed their facebook to reflect their new last time, frequently throw me for a loop because I am used to the previous moniker. Regardless, it is not a big deal. These people are not all invited to my house for a dinner party, and are not by sheer value of being designated my "friend" on facebook, taking up any physical space in my life. They are digital associations. Nothing more, nothing less.
So, I am constantly dismayed by people who feel the need to edit their digital contacts like they are cleaning out their sock drawer. You are not being charged per friend to be a member of facebook, nor is your life REALLY interrupted by someone who you don't really know posting a status about their recently completed marathon. You are NOT cool because you have 1500 friends and decide that you want to scale back to only those that you "know". And if you are the person that has 1500 friends that you do know and just want to scale back to the people you deem worthy, then you're an asshole. The entire POINT of facebook is to forge "connections" with people on, about, or around your life that have similar associations with you. Because at some point in time in the future, you may find yourself looking for a job or a pet groomer or a freaking couch because yours got pissed on by your puppy, and that random dude you met at a party one night might have a connection to a job/pet spa/furniture store that you really need. But joke is on you; you decided to go through and delete a thousand people on facebook, and as a result, now have no income, an unfortunately hairy dog and a pissy smelling couch and very little ideas as to how to improve your situation.
So, way to go, to-cool-for-school facebook user who cannot be bothered with too many "friends"; i'll take my free leads- and random, hard-to-remember-friends, every time I get them. And you can just be cool with everyone you really "know".
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Losing Friends...
I really thought it would take me much longer to draft a more somber post on this blog, but alas, here I am. Keep in mind, I recognize this is only post number two, but I DEFINITELY thought I'd make it to three or four before I focused on something more thought provoking. I digress.
Depending upon which day you ask me, how I feel about Facebook can be one of two very different answers. Some days I love it because it really is a great medium for making connections. Be it with wayward family members or lost friends from high school or college, it is a relatively non-threatening way to maintain relationships...and stalk other people who you more or less would not really care about having a real face-to-face friendship with (don't even lie, you do it too).
But then there are the days that I hate it. And today is one of those days. Facebook can very much be the adult version of the recess yard conversation on Monday about the party over the weekend you were not invited to. And it is a way for you to make no mistake that you are no longer the part of someone's life you once used to be. Not even close.
And I guess that's what I don't understand. On a logical level, I certainly do get how time and most certainly geography, can effect the status of a friendship. Additionally, I also know different life stages can also bear a significance in two people's relationship. If, for example, you went straight into the professional world and I planned a wedding and set-up a household, perhaps it is very easy to see how differences in schedules and priorities could effect how much time we spend with each other and our ability to relate to each other. Though I would like to believe I am capable of relating to someone even if I am not living their exact life, I am practical enough to know that these things do move and shape friendships.
But for me, there are some people in my life who I can go MONTHS without speaking with and I would consider them no less of a good friend or significant person in my life than those I commiserate with on a daily basis. And those friendships still have a place in my life because I recognize the differences in each of us and I cherish the opportunities we do have to spend time together because they are so precious. And that's OK. If that is all someone can give me, I am grateful for it.
But what I am learning as I grow up, however, is that when these disjunctures in geography and life phases do occur, it is very easy to pick out which people meant more to you than you did to them. Because of a stupid website, you get a front-row seat to the most pivotal and significant moments in a person's life and it hits you like a load of bricks that you are watching it from a laptop screen. That this person you could barely get through a day without seeing/talking to/thinking about is moving on with their life....and very certainly without you. And it is such a hollow feeling...because it feels like a waste. And the more cynical part of me would be inclined to think it was a bigger waste of time then than it is an emotional waste now, but I don't really believe that. I know without hesitation that every single person I have come across, friend or foe, has helped shape who I am and the journey I have made to get where I am now. And I think I am doing pretty damn good. But I guess it is just one of those unfortunate facts of life that some friendships aren't meant to be forever. And that they don't necessarily have to end because of a falling out or a betrayal or something else that makes sense; sometimes friendships just end. And that is just the way it is.
But I after getting all of these thoughts down and rereading them over and over, I have decided that I am not going to lament the past or the people who have drifted in and out of my life; I am, instead, going to focus on and enjoy the people who constantly make an effort to stay a part of it. Because I am blessed to have them. And I am going to pray for and wish well those who are no longer in my life....because without them, who knows where I'd be.
Depending upon which day you ask me, how I feel about Facebook can be one of two very different answers. Some days I love it because it really is a great medium for making connections. Be it with wayward family members or lost friends from high school or college, it is a relatively non-threatening way to maintain relationships...and stalk other people who you more or less would not really care about having a real face-to-face friendship with (don't even lie, you do it too).
But then there are the days that I hate it. And today is one of those days. Facebook can very much be the adult version of the recess yard conversation on Monday about the party over the weekend you were not invited to. And it is a way for you to make no mistake that you are no longer the part of someone's life you once used to be. Not even close.
And I guess that's what I don't understand. On a logical level, I certainly do get how time and most certainly geography, can effect the status of a friendship. Additionally, I also know different life stages can also bear a significance in two people's relationship. If, for example, you went straight into the professional world and I planned a wedding and set-up a household, perhaps it is very easy to see how differences in schedules and priorities could effect how much time we spend with each other and our ability to relate to each other. Though I would like to believe I am capable of relating to someone even if I am not living their exact life, I am practical enough to know that these things do move and shape friendships.
But for me, there are some people in my life who I can go MONTHS without speaking with and I would consider them no less of a good friend or significant person in my life than those I commiserate with on a daily basis. And those friendships still have a place in my life because I recognize the differences in each of us and I cherish the opportunities we do have to spend time together because they are so precious. And that's OK. If that is all someone can give me, I am grateful for it.
But what I am learning as I grow up, however, is that when these disjunctures in geography and life phases do occur, it is very easy to pick out which people meant more to you than you did to them. Because of a stupid website, you get a front-row seat to the most pivotal and significant moments in a person's life and it hits you like a load of bricks that you are watching it from a laptop screen. That this person you could barely get through a day without seeing/talking to/thinking about is moving on with their life....and very certainly without you. And it is such a hollow feeling...because it feels like a waste. And the more cynical part of me would be inclined to think it was a bigger waste of time then than it is an emotional waste now, but I don't really believe that. I know without hesitation that every single person I have come across, friend or foe, has helped shape who I am and the journey I have made to get where I am now. And I think I am doing pretty damn good. But I guess it is just one of those unfortunate facts of life that some friendships aren't meant to be forever. And that they don't necessarily have to end because of a falling out or a betrayal or something else that makes sense; sometimes friendships just end. And that is just the way it is.
But I after getting all of these thoughts down and rereading them over and over, I have decided that I am not going to lament the past or the people who have drifted in and out of my life; I am, instead, going to focus on and enjoy the people who constantly make an effort to stay a part of it. Because I am blessed to have them. And I am going to pray for and wish well those who are no longer in my life....because without them, who knows where I'd be.
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