Chick-Fil-A, vol. II

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/conor-gaughan/chick-fil-a-homophobia_b_1711566.html?utm_hp_ref=fb&src=sp&comm_ref=false

I posted about Chick-Fil-A on Thursday night and, for the most part, stick behind what I said.

However, after reading this post, I feel the need to respond further because Conor's post on this site really got to me.

However, I feel it is important to acknowledge a couple of things:

Huffington Post is a very liberal news "organization"; it is akin to Fox News in its slant. I recognize this and want to make sure I acknowledge this as it may be used as an argument against the rhetoric.

However, this man's post, at least from what I can tell from internet research, was not paid for or predicated for anything other than one man's own opportunity to share his opinion.

And rightfully so-- he is an accomplished businessman with the education (Harvard) and experience (just take a look at his resume on LinkedIn) to back it up. And he is gay. And for both reasons, it appears that he had an opinion on the issue, and the Huffington Post was the outlet that chose to publish his opinion.


That said, I want to clarify a little more about what I stated on Thursday.

I never thought about far reaching effects of the message of an organization with the prominence of Chick-Fil-A would mean to the GLBT community; there has been controversy from human rights activists, but (at least for me) little attention has been given to how GLBT individuals were affected by this admission.

And I guess what I want to clarify is that I don't have a problem with what the COO said because he lives in a country where he has the inalienable right to say it. Moreover, I guess what I ultimately was getting at was that it shouldn't have been a surprise. The company has used traditional Christian values as a reason to close their doors every Sunday; why would anyone find this stance surprising?

That's what I meant.

But I guess what I didn't think about is exactly what Conor said: the message it sends to GLBT individuals already struggling in a society where they are being told who they are is an abomination. And even if that isn't the choice of words, its still the message. And I guess the point he made in his argument that hit me the most were his FACTS about Chick-Fil-A's financial support of initiatives to ban gay marriage; his FACTS about precisely all of the rights denied to GLBT individuals in the US; his FACTS in relation to Sally Ride's widow and what she is now facing as an unrecognized widow in the wake of her partner's death. That kind of brought it home for me.

I guess I don't really have anything more relevant to say other than, for as much as I love this country I live in, I have a lot of problems with the way it operates sometimes.

Also, I think the COO of Chick-Fil-A absolutely deserves the right to speak his mind without FEDERAL retribution; at this point, he has dealt with none. The retribution he faces is from the public and there is no Constitutional support for protection from public opinion. And while I disagree with a boycott, I think that if you are willing to admit your opinion, you should be prepared to deal with the consequences of the admission of that same opinion.

Because, if you think about it, he is exercising a right guaranteed to him from the basic tenets of the  Constitution and accompanying Civil Rights; GLBT do not share that same protection in their relationships. And in some cases, as Conor- again- pointed out with FACT, in their professions as well.

So in trying to synthesize my thoughts, this has what I have come to:

Chick-Fil-A needs to relax and weather the storm. There are so many people speaking out against Chick-Fil-A's opinion that a day of support- organized by Christian fundamentalists- has unofficially been scheduled for the restaurant to counter the negative publicity created as a result of the COO's newly publicized stance. If they so ardently support traditional Christianity to that extent, that needs to translate to all instances, including those that incite negative opinions. If you take a stance, fine; be willing to deal with the consequence of that position without expressing incredulity or injustice.

And for the GLBT individuals that have seen this situation as further oppression-- I HATE that for you all. I HATE that you all- or at least some portion of you- live in fear for your safety and comfort. I HATE that you live in a nation where your love and commitment is not considered as valid as my own. I HATE that anyone could use these kinds of situations as ammunition for a close-minded, hateful point of view. But mostly, I HATE that there is little I can do at present to change this injustice or redirect the hate that plagues so so so very many ignorant and intolerable people. Hang in there and know that, even if I don't fault an ignorant man and his company their opinion, I still find your legitimacy and value greater than them or anything they could ever be a part of.

chick-fil-a

I decided at the beginning of this week that my Facebook would be, form here on out, completely 100% dedicated to the Olympics. However, with everything going on in the world, I am finding it hard to wholeheartedly devote my thoughts to the greatest sports tradition in the world.

That said, the issue I feel most compelled to comment on is the current drama that has been going on with Chick-Fil-A.

A few things must be said first before I dive into what I think.

I read the remarks- from the source- that were made by the COO of the corporation about his beliefs regarding "traditional family values".

Additionally, I must confess that the beloved chicken restaurant was the first job I ever had and as a result, I became familiar with the corporate culture and ideology. At that time, however, the ideology did not stretch to marriage of any kind, and the main idea behind the company as stressed to me at my orientation, was that of Christianity. I was told, for that reason, it was a company-wide policy (even if specific stores were franchises), that all locations be closed on Sundays to observe the day of rest, or Sabbath, as maintained by the bible and basic Christian dogma.

So, all of these things considered, I have a couple of thoughts.

If you know me at all- which you would have to because I only have about 5 dedicated readers- you know how I feel about gay marriage. I think it is absurd that in a society that has clearly taken a judicial stance on separating religion from social institutions, that the argument of the bible and God's intention for marriage are the arguments that prevent same sex couples from being legally married. Take belief out of it entirely; prayer was removed from public schools so as not to ostracize those that do not espouse traditional values of Christianity, however those values are precisely why gays cannot enjoy a legal union. THAT is the precedence that has been set in our society.

Beyond that, I wholeheartedly support gay marriage and not just for political or judicial reasons. God is the ultimate judge of one's life on earth and I have problem with anyone in any entity that chooses to limit freedoms of other people because of their belief (NOT knowledge) of his intentions. The bible is the Word and I do not dispute that; I dispute a limited interpretation of an ancient text that offers as many contradictions as it does "truths". The bible says "eye for an eye" in one chapter and then, "turn the other cheek" in another. 

Additionally, this nation was founded on the idea that religious belief should not govern a nation-- that's why the freaking pilgrims left England! But here we are. And truly, only as it relates to this issue. Moreover, I know a lot of heterosexual AND homosexual couples, and no one has ever offered me any compelling evidence that there is a difference between their two shared loves. Allowing the gays to get married does not in ANY WAY take away from the legitimacy of a heterosexual union. What those people choose to do with their personal and sexual lives is between them and their partner and God. Not you, not me and not any other person on this earth. The homosexual couples that I know that yearn for the freedom to wed want it not for any other reason than to be able to infinitely and legally assert their commitment to another....essentially the same reason why heterosexuals get married. So the disparity, to me, is ridiculous.

In fact, I downloaded an application on my phone from the Human Rights Campaign- of which I have monetarily supported for more than 4 years now- that identifies the level of inclusion culture within major American corporations. The application gives you the ability to take a look at the stance on GLBT issues that a company has espoused in every category spanning from food to sporting goods. When I first downloaded it, I anticipated I would reference it before I made consumer choices. That hasn't happened as much as I anticipated because I am forgetful, but I digress.

So here comes Chick-Fil-A. And I must confess I am not entirely aware of what context the COO made his statements; I don't know if he was specifically asked about his beliefs or if they just came out by way of an interview. All I know, is that he made them.

And after I first started reading the rhetoric pouring out over social media, my knee-jerk reaction as a gay marriage supporter was to disparage this company. But as the days and weeks have passed, I find myself changing my mind.

This is why:

I have worked in the service industry for the past 5 years. At first, full time, and now only for the summer. I have worked at Chick-Fil-A (in 2000 and 2001) and since 2008, 3 different restaurant with completely different cultures and concepts. I have been privy to the mentality of ownership- be it private or not- and the operating tenets in place as a result of that ideology. And what I can say about the restaurants I have worked for in the past- specifically Snuffer's, Dodie's and MiCocina-  is that making money is king to any other concept. As a result, ALL of those restaurants are opened 365 days a year and operate as early and as late as city laws will allow. To them- holidays mean dollar signs. Sunday's mean dollar signs. Essentially- to them- there is really no legitimate reason to close. Forget the lives of their employees; that being their kids, parents, siblings, etc. The almighty dollar is paramount and the establishments are run accordingly.

But then there is Chick-Fil-A.

The restaurant is IMMENSELY popular. I cannot think of one person that has ever had a disparaging remark to make about it. In fact, I read repeated statuses on Sundays that say something about hating the fact that the restaurant is closed.

And I guess that is why I don't have a HUGE problem with the COO's statements. Yes, I disagree with them completely, but boycott's are ridiculous. This company CHOOSES to be closed on Sunday's. They don't even care about what kind of profit they are losing or risks they are taking. The culture of the company is based on the founder's "Christian beliefs" that include of course, the stance on gay marriage, but also the idea that a business should be closed on Sunday's- and other major religious holidays- out of respect for God's Commandment to "keep holy the Sabbath". The founder has NEVER been silent or shy about his beliefs as it relates to that concept, though I am sure he has had innumerable individuals advise him otherwise. He has never made excuses or apologies for his belief in that sacred ideal and he has stuck to his guns. And I applaud him for that, especially in a culture that engenders the sacrifice of all for profit. He has never wavered.

So is it any real surprise that he holds, "traditional family values"? To anyone paying attention, it shouldn't. But the basis of his company is not exclusion or discrimination-- it is the same value system that has dominated the gay marriage debate for decades. 

So now, everyone wants to boycott because he disclosed that he does not support gay marriage. And I guess I think that is a little absurd. The HRC application that I mentioned earlier ranks companies based upon their corporate rhetoric as it relates to GLBT. There is NOTHING in the Chick-Fil-A company byline that suggests an intolerance for GLBT. The man in charge simply stated an opinion. And it is one I disagree with. But I also disagree that money matters more than holidays or Sunday's or the fellowship at stake in both instances. I disagree with the fact that, in every restaurant I have worked at, "going to church" is not a viable reason to get a day off. Yet this company CHOOSES to forego profit for the same reasons that man doesn't believe in gay marriage. 

There has been a great deal of criticism over the past few weeks about Obama's assertion that any business is nothing more than a result of entrepreneurial predecessors. And I agree with that criticism. And for that reason, that is why I think everyone needs to chill out on Chick-Fil-A. No savvy business leader would ever advise or support taking a day off a week for ANY reason, yet this company does...unabashedly.

What I am getting at is that this company is who they are; they have never tried to assert themselves as anything but or pander to common opinion. And that is admirable in a society and economy where the status quo is to  do anything and tell anyone and everyone what they want to hear. Sure, they have limited beliefs about a controversial issue, but they are who they are and they have never tried to be anything but. It would be like expecting an Olympic devotee to admit that the Super Bowl is the most superior event in sports. It's not going to happen because- all "right" or "wrong" aside- it directly contradicts their beliefs. That's how I feel about Chick-Fil-A. In good, and bad ways, they believe what they believe and they aren't afraid to claim it.

And I guess, in a world where people are more concerned about money or popularity and are willing to sacrifice anything and everything in that pursuit, I have a hard time faulting someone for their values...even if I disagree with them.

Foregiveness

This is going to be short. And that is probably a distasteful way to begin a post about forgiveness, but still; it is what it is.

I have had a lot of things happen to me in 26 years. A lot of it, I shamelessly take responsibility for, regardless of if other people were involved. However, a lot of it, I have specific blame for other people involved in the scenario.

So, I guess what I have come to is that it is time to let it go. All of it. Every situation, scenario and moment. To let all of those negative memories fade away as quickly as they occurred.

And it is hard. It is difficult to forget things that caused you considerable pain and insecurity. It is beyond challenging to just accept the past for what it is; but I have to do it. I have to separate myself from the things that have happened to me and realize that it is what it is and move on. And it's hard. And while I feel compelled to let it go now, I am sure that there will be moments in the future where I will rail against that notion; but the forgiveness remains.

I hate to claim it, but there is a moment in the Sex In the City movie that resonates with me considerably. After Miranda admits to Carrie what she said to Big and finally get's her alone to try to apologize, Carrie turns the conversation around to Miranda's marriage. She accuses Miranda of wanting forgiveness after 2 days, but at that point, has also been unwilling to forgive her husband after 6 months. The quote in question, when Miranda tries to argue that it's different, Carrie responds, "it's forgiveness."

And she is right. Fact or fiction aside, forgiveness is forgiveness. And an evolved person knows how to give it and move on. And, unfortunately, I have not been that evolved to this point.

So, I am going to make a dedicated effort to, 'letting it go'. 

When I was in grade school- AKA, the nomenclature for the period a Catholic school kid spends in school from 1st to 8th grade- I dealt with a great deal of the issues a kid fully immersed in the awkward stages of adolescence deals with; bad skin, weight, self image, boys, and the list goes on.

So basically, I went to high school with a bit of a chip on my shoulder from the crap I dealt with in grade school. But after I got a good look at the trajectory of high school, I realized holding on to the past was a waste of time. And I let it go. I chalked it up to hormones, a desire for acceptance, and a widespread epidemic of insecurity that was the fuel behind the behavior of myself and my friends at that stage.

And I have never looked back.

However, i frequently find myself harping on issues from the past that occurred out of high school, and holding on to them with fierce self-righteousness. And that is a mistake. 

So here is the deal: I am pissed off about the past and how specific people treated me in that realm...; but, it is what it is. I am not the same person I was then, and the person I am now and the life I lead now is far removed from the past.

And I guess what I have come to is that holding on to the past does a complete disservice to the existence I currently hold. Sure, I am mad about about shit from the past and am convinced I deserved better, but focusing on that above anything else is a mistake.

I am completely fulfilled and happy with what I have now in respect to what I have come from.  Holding on to the past and the people I feel wronged me in it does a considerable disservice to the people in the life I live now that do everything right. So, for them, I am letting it go.

Yea, I think you did me wrong and I am pissed off about it because I know I deserve better; however, I have better and that matters more than the past.

So, essentially, that's it. For those individuals that may or may not read this, consider my remonstrance about the past completely over. It is what it is, and I am OK with it. I wouldn't be who I am or have what I have if it weren't for my past experiences; so as a result, I am making peace with all of it and letting it go.

At the end of the day, know this: thank you for being a part of my life. Thank you for what you brought to my life when you did. Regardless of who I may be referencing or not, I mean that sentiment wholeheartedly. There has never been someone in my life that I cared about significantly that didn't bring a lot to the table. So my thanks is genuine. And to you all, I say I am sorry for holding on to anger for so long.

I think one of the best lessons a person can ever learn is that some people are only capable of so much; what they cannot deliver is not personal or intentional. Sometimes, with certain people, you just have to accept what they give because it is their best; even if it falls considerably short of your expectations.

So, I guess the long and short of what I am saying is that, I forgive all of my demons and I similarly thank them for their role in making me who I am. I wouldn't be here without you all and, for that ALONE, I will never be anything but grateful.

So what I am saying is-- all is forgiven. Thank you for everything you ever brought to my life. I wouldn't be who I am without you. I am sorry- for the obvious reasons, we couldn't make it work-- but I will appreciate and think of you all always...