Shaking my head...

If it's possible-- in a post where I am hoping to lament the demise of the written word, I am almost at a loss of it entirely... yet, I digress.

We live in a world of instant gratification. Everything from news to entertainment has to be here, now and fast to be worthy; if it takes any amount of time over a couple of minutes, it is usually, pretty obsolete. As a result, communication standards have bowed to this trend. When we, as a society, decide to participate or respond to anything that comes our way, we feel inclined to do it in the quickest way possible. As a result, 'lol', 'g2g', 'nvm' and the likeness have replaced the long form sentiments they represent. I get it. That's the world we live in.

Moreover, should you be an avid participator in the Twittersphere, you are even more constricted to expression limitations. Every space, punctuation mark, or letter takes up precious space in a 140-character text box. So, as a result, abbreviations of common words and phrases are commonly relied upon to fulfill complete thoughts. Still, I get it.

Because, ultimately, these shortened words and phrases seek to succinctly express thoughts and feelings that may be too lengthy in a long-form relation. However, mediums such as Facebook (with no character limitation) or text messaging (which are limitless, even if they are limited per each individual message), abbreviated thoughts or feeling are not necessary.

So, in a lengthy and roundabout way, I am getting at the fact that I do NOT understand why certain individuals feel inclined to preface messages without constricted character limits with "smh".

First of all, if you craft a message correctly, incredulity is obvious. Secondly, "smh" is easily expressed by stating, "what I don't get" or "I am baffled by" or even, "what the fuck is that about", without description of physical movement being necessary whatsoever...especially by abbreviation. Secondly, if we are conversing in a medium without restriction, why do you feel inclined to abbreviate certain notions when the majority of you other sentiments are spelled out in their entirety?

I am forthright in the belief that, even if technologies exist that make it faster or easier, I am going to use the written word in the way in which it was intended. Especially in instances where there is no explicable reason to cut your thoughts short. Because ultimately, when you choose subjectivity, you choose to leave yourself up to interpretation. And for me, that is a dangerous concept. If I have learned anything as a writer, its that when you seek to derive certain thoughts, emotions or feeling, you spell it out specifically; otherwise, the effort is wasted.

So do me a favor-- take a moment to write out, to the letter, how you feel. Don't leave your thoughts and feelings up to individual comprehension; say it loud and say it proud. If you think your girlfriend is idiotic for expecting her abusive boyfriend to eradicate his behavior because she got pregnant unexpectedly, say to her, "i am literally dumbfounded by your logic," rather than dumbing it down to, "smh." Because, at the end of the day, we are all better served by the whole truth, and not its abbreviations.

Self Respect...or the lack thereof

I am an imperfect person. That is not an opinion, it is a fact. There are a lot of things I like about myself. I am intelligent, moderately funny, kind, empathetic, and (probably dangerously) forgiving and understanding. However, there are things I don't like about myself. I avoid confrontation at toxic personal sacrifice, I talk to loud and too fast and sometimes (most times) need to do a better job of knowing when to shut-up. I am also not as physically fit or as thin as I'd like to be and am in a constant war with my hair. All of these things considered, when I look in the mirror, I recognize that though I am flawed, there is still a lot about me to love.

Yet, I have bad days, months, hell even years, just like everyone else. I spent the better part of two years in such a horrible state of self-loathing and fear, it took a shrink and a daily dosage of Zoloft to bring me back to life. But even at my lowest and weakest moment, I still knew I was a worthy person deserving of good things in life. At my worse, I am still one of God's children and for that reason alone, am worthy and deserving of love.

And that doesn't just mean love from family, friends, etc.; it also includes love of and from myself. It's funny. I see some of my female students on a daily basis get right up in someone's face if they feel they are being disrespected, yet will dress provocatively and let themselves be objectified by men on a level that makes it completely obvious to everyone but them that they have very little self respect.

Don't get me wrong, this is not an attempt to attack individuals that have low self esteem. We all have it or have struggled with it at some point in time in our lives. And as someone that struggles with a mental illness, because that is what anxiety is, I do not want to suggest that individuals that struggle with this issue on a debilitating level are weak. 

And I guess that's what I don't understand. I knew I was having problems and what those problems and my attempt to deal with them on my own were yielding me. And it wasn't good. So I got some help. And I have no problem being transparent about that because I am not ashamed. Getting the help I did was one of the best decisions I have ever made and I thank God for bringing me that relief.

What I don't get is how individuals in situations where they are being put in danger and have a quality of life that in shaky, uncertain, and more a cause of pain (physical, emotional or otherwise) than anything else, will not take the hard steps to do what they need to do to change their circumstances. All I can figure is that they think they are not worthy of something better. That they either aren't worthy of it or aren't capable of ever finding it again. So they settle. They settle for pain, abuse, and a quality of life that is beneath them. And all because of a intrinsic lack of self respect and love for who they are.

Not only do I not get it, but it makes me so incredibly sad. Because at the end of the day, I can take a pill to help me manage my anxiety, but there isn't a pill out there that can help someone manage to love, even when it is just to love them self.

Pink Football Jersies

There are three things that inspired me to start this blog, and this occurrence is one of those things. I didn't originally intend to strategically include these posts at a specific time, but given that the Super Bowl is Sunday, this seemed an appropriate time as ever to write this entry.

I listen to Kidd Kraddick in the morning. Say what you will about Kidd and the morning show, but I think they're hilarious. Sure, they sometimes digress on topics and bits that are not exactly the most entertaining things I have ever heard, but for the most part, they are more than a decent way to pass the time on my hour-long morning commute. Their philanthropic endeavors alone are enough to warrant attention, but beyond that, their unyielding attention to popular culture and eagerness to make fun of themselves makes them incredibly accessible...at least for me. I will admit, I have been a loyal listener since I was 16.

So, to that end, this morning they were taking bets on the Super Bowl. From what color gatorade would undoubtedly be thrown on the winning coach to the the order in which the winning quarterback (or MVP) would thank the people of interest in his life (arguably, God, Family, teammates, coaches, etc.), they were taking bets on it all. At one point, one of the potential bets was related to how many times networks would pan the luxury boxes for Giselle (Tom Brady's wife), which prompted Jenna (one of the morning show personalities) to inquire, "I wonder if she will be wearing her pink Patriots jersey?"

And that is just a prevalent trend I do NOT understand.

I like sports. I am not a fanatic by any means, and I do not profess to know everything about the sports I watch. I (would like to believe) know more than the average female does about sports, but I want to make sure I acknowledge now that I have not seen nor do I know it all (or even part) about sports as a whole.

HOWEVER, I have been an avid follower of college and professional football since I was 14 years old, and it was not until I was an attendee at the infamous Cowboys/Eagles game at Texas Stadium in '07, that I had any idea one could even purchase a team jersey in baby pink. I was about 6 boxes down from Jessica Simpson (who, at the time, was dating Tony Romo), and was very confused when they showed her through the suite glass in a pink Cowboys jersey.

The Cowboys' colors are blue and white. It could be argued that the specific shade of blue is either navy or royal, but either way, the colors are very definitively blue and white. So surely you can understand my  frustration that someone- and it really did not matter who it was- was there supporting the home team in a color very far removed from that of the team as a whole.

So, obviously, this individual, and many others within the stadium that day and in stadiums across the country since, felt they were incapable of showing their team colors at the sacrifice of "femininity" (or whatever that means), and instead, chose to show their support in pink.

THAT IS SO FUCKING STUPID.

Take sports out of it completely. Hundreds of years ago, when various civilizations were fighting wars and risking their lives for liberty or national causes, the entire front was united under a specific color or insignia. England had the Redcoats; the North during the Civil War rocked it in navy and the South in grey; the indians united under war paint and raw hide. Essentially, different sides wore specific uniforms to make themselves distinguishable against their opponent. THIS DID NOT START WITH SPORTS.

So imagine my shock and dismay that someone who cares enough to pay money and show up to witness a battle (of sports or otherwise), is going to show up in a color unassociated with their team or cause FOR NO OTHER VIABLE REASON IN THAT IS IS SUPPOSED TO BE A FEMININE DISPLAY OF SUPPORT.

I'm sorry- is it necessary to distinguish your gender in that instance? Do you think that American nurses and triage attendees during the Revolutionary War wore red because it was a more flattering color? NO. Colors are designated for teams for a reason!

So basically, in a nutshell (though I do apologize for my offshoot rants and musings), it is beyond stupid that professional sports teams feel the need to appeal to a female demographic and manufacture pink fan gear. Moreover, it is inexplicably inane for women that support these teams (or support men that support these teams) to require an option of dress that specifically does not include team colors in some sort of misguided attempt to assert femininity. Athletes on the field are encouraged and reinforced by looking into the stands and seeing blocks of their team colors cheering them to victory; more often than not, their ability to hear is significantly prohibited by their helmet or the exterior noise, and they look for encouragement in a visual way. But you felt like you would look too masculine or not sexy enough by sporting team colors, so you opted for PINK.

I guess it's no wonder Tony and the boys lost that game...